Plus2minus2 in essence

Now I need to step back and explain myself a bit more. The whole self-image and dieting thing is just a part of this midlife evaluation. How we literally view ourselves in the mirror is so pivotal to everything else. I have tried to think back to the first time that I decided I was not happy with myself. Apart from the very early memories of always wanting bigger boobs, it was not actually until my first year of marriage that I really went on an actual diet. I was never thin nor fat. I was always blessed with a fairly hot looking figure of curves, small waist and long legs. So what changed, and why then? Why at age 31? I didn’t even try and lose weight for my wedding! We just don’t know when we have something good. I am ashamed that somewhere I let this seed be planted and take root in my mind. Worse thing was that I have fertilised and fed it for the last 15 years. Do you know how big a 15 year old tree is? How deep the roots of it go? How much pollination of this thought pattern I may have done? I thought I would be safe because I only had sons. Oh no! My little grove of self-image loathing has now become evident in my eldest son. It was at this point, that I truly had to stop. It took my husband to point it out to me.  Now I have to chop that tree down and dig out the roots.

Firstly I had to ask my son to forgive me for inflicting this weed of feeling fat and hating his body. I told him that what he was doing was my fault and I had just not realised that it would affect a boy! His seedling has been planted, but I am going to do all I can to never let it get to full growth.

I don’t know about you, but the thought of chopping down a big tree by myself is just too overwhelming. My 15 year journey has been all about me trying to take the whole tree down at once. Why? Because I really am an ‘all or nothing’ woman, I am the woman who wants it done now, before now if possible. Waiting! What do you mean wait! That is crazy, I don’t have time to wait, and it has to be fixed now and all done, not half hearted.  So in the past when I tried to make changes, I took on the whole tree, by myself, with everything I had, and then flopped 3 weeks down the track. You see the best way to eat an elephant I was told, was to eat it one piece at a time. And that my friend is how we need to chop down the tree. One branch at a time. Once the branches are down we can chainsaw the trunk and begin attacking below the surface.

Plus2Minus2 came from a list making frenzy. One side was the things I needed to add to my life to make it more balanced, healthy and sensible. The other side was the list of things I needed to take out of my life. The lists were pretty specific. Some things were quantitative. As I sat back and looked at both columns I knew I couldn’t do this all at the same time. It was too much. So I looked closer. What 2 things from each list could I realistically tackle? What 2 things from each list could I honestly say that I could do or overcome? How long was I going to give myself to master these things? Simple answer, none. No time limit. When I truly believed it was a change then I would cross it off and add another. Maybe something will stay there for a long time. Would I give up and wipe it off? No. it would stay there until I had won. I had to choose my first 4 carefully. It was like studying for an exam. I wanted the easy subjects first. I guess at this point you are on the edge of your seat just gagging to know what the first plus2minus2 were. You probably want to know what was on the list for the whole lot!

That is for next time. You homework is to think about your balance of life. Begin to write down some things you would love to add and take away. It can be as simple as amount of coffee drunk in a day, putting makeup on and dressing nicer each day. Which side was easier to write? The Plus side or the Minus? Let me know how you are going. Until we meet again.

God bless