Belong and be loved

I heard a talk the other week about how children really have 2 great desires, to be loved and to belong. I don't think that we adults are much different. We still want to be loved and to belong.
This ideas of belonging somewhere has played on my mind lately, so it is time for another blog spot. If I was to think back at the times I didn't feel like I belonged and then compared to a time when I felt secure and part of something, then I would have to say those 2 emotions are very different.
To feel part of something and to feel needed and wanted is such a powerful thing. My mother retired 5 years ago and has hated every day of it. Why? because she not only is sometimes physically unable to go out and do things, but mainly because she doesn't belong to anything. Some people desperately need lots and lots of belonging, everyday. Some people might just be happy with belonging to their family.
It really is a matter of where you are at that time in your life.
When we woman work we can have a work place which swings either way for us. We could love them and fit in so well and they become like another family, or.... they are totally not on the frequency band as you (or maybe you are not on the same as them!!) and it makes a big chunk of your day really lonely. I have been in both situations over the years.
You see I have this character trait of really wanting to be loved by people, well at least liked. If I know someone doesn't like me I will do my darndest to win them over. I hate knowing that someone doesn't like me. I'm so nice! I'm such a lovely person! however, in that need to belong and be loved I have found myself in circles I should never have entered. Then when you are in there and realise, the backing out and away gets very tricky and messy. It has taken me awhile to be happy in myself to know that 'she' doesn't like me and that's ok.
So... the burning question for me. How do we woman find a way to belong with all the juggling of other activities we do in our week?
mmmmm.... the question I keep asking myself. At school my children get told that to find a friend is to make a friend. Don't sit and wait for someone to come to you.
There are motivator women who will do all arranging and organising, then there are the other women who want it all to happen for them. I use to be the organiser, then I would burn myself out. I have seriously come to the conclusion that if you are the one wanting the friendships and something more regular, then you organise it. I am happy to turn up for a $10 curry night. While we sit on our butts and complain and expect the friends to pop out of nowhere, time will pass us by. I know that if I want to see someone I text and we arrange a date. I have a couple of friends who text me and pin me down for a date.
I'm sorry girls, it has to be like that. You can't sell a secret! You need to make the moves, put your big girl undies on and start ringing. If you have the time to want and moan, then you have the time to organise it.
Why?...... because you need that struggle, that effort, that character building time, so when that Eureka (which means "I found it") moment comes, and you have got something great going, and you have had to fight for it and it becomes all that more precious and worth holding onto. A strong friendship can be built within a few times of meeting someone, it doesn't have to be years.And they don't have to last for years either, sometimes they might be in our life for a short but impact time.
In the words of my great 'friend' Kenny Rogers " you got know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run!"
Give it a go ladies, I think the teacher was right, to find a friend does mean to go and make one yourself and be one. You don't need to go and find the first hobo on the corner! you are not going to gel with everyone, but I still believe that we sometimes need to have that struggle-it will build character.
Blessings upon you until we meet again.

homework is to go and make a date with another girlfriend!!!