confrontation

I am actually writing this blog because I can't sleep. Not the usual husband snoring too loudly scenario, not even "my mind is racing about school work" scenario, no.... this one is about the need to confront someone scenario.

If you are anything like me when it comes to confrontation then you don't actually enjoy it. It is not something I relish or even go out to find. I am actually quite a peace loving lady really. Or maybe it is more that I want to bury my head and hope desperately that the person will just work it out for themselves and I never need to say a word. Everyone will be at peace and my world can carry on spinning nicely.

But I am afraid it doesn't quite work like that. You see there is this weird and unusual thing called fear that kicks in. So what is that fear? Well, I think it is the fear of the repercussions. The fear that their response will be escalated and then they will let rip at you with statements that you were never really prepared for. Is it the fear of losing them?

You see ladies when I need to confront someone I will play every way of saying it over and over in my head. I will rehearse the different possible reactions and my response to those possible reactions. I will work myself into such a mess and of course, lose sleep, just like I am doing now. I have always hoped and regarded myself as someone who will listen with an open mind and heart when another 'friend' wants to tell me what they think of me, or something I've done. It is just a part of humility that I have consciously tried to embrace. It doesn't mean it hurts any the less, it just means that I am not prepared to make a reactionary scene. The downfall of that is that the other person will walk away never ever knowing the impact they have had on me and they have never had my reaction in it's truest form.
I am a believer in going away and thinking about it, reflecting honestly on what has been said, seeking a valued mentors thoughts and then making my decision. This process has served me well over the years.

There has only been a handful of times over the years when I have felt it imperative to confront someone about something. I have never taken it lightly or impulsively, although everything in me wants to get it over and done with right then and there. But I think the head conversations are probably a good idea actually. They truly help put it into the right order, the right tone in which it is going to be said, even right down to the place and time in which it will take place.

I think wrestling over these things is good for us. It builds character in us, takes us to a new level. To decide whether it is actually worth confronting or not. My husband always says to wait 3 days because that is how long Jesus waited before rising from the dead!! If it was good enough for him to wait, then so can I!

The funny thing about all this is the fact that I am totally prepared to confront my husband and children as easily and quick as a flash. I am now wondering if that is not such a great thing I have been doing. Maybe with them I need to just wait and think and decide if it is worth it? If it is, then to also consider how to say it, when and where to say it. As the boys are getting into teenage years I am seeing the greater need to be a bit more sensitive to this now. They are on a journey of life in a whole new way, now I need to approach those niggles in a new way.

But in closing, with all that nice approach aside, I will stand by my word and say that there are times when your household really does need a mother of all bollocking by you! because the nice, tactful, gently spoken word simply doesn't work......that is why I put that picture of me in the post (not really me, I don't look that cool)